The youth sets out
to mason up a building –
his bride in red cotton sari
sees him off at the door.
Pyre is lit
two sons follow priest’s loud oration-
husband stares across
the sunset Ganga
(*Naani is a four line poem containing 20-25 syllables, invented by an Indian poet, Dr. N. Gopi, who writes in Telugu language. Elaine Patricia Morris introduced this form to us over at Rajani’s Micropoetry Month: 2017)
Posted for Micropoetry Month:2017 #4 hosted by Thotpurge
Sharing with Poetry Pantry @ Poets United
22 thoughts on “Micropoetry #4 (A Naani*)”
You certainly made the form your own! The second one is just fantastically done. Thanks for sharing Sumana.
Oy, this is heavy.
The first one is so full of hope and promise,
and the last leaves me feeling cold and empty
at the loss.
These are very beautiful, Sumana. I can see it all so vividly. The first could be the beginning of their story, the second the ending….sigh. It pings at my heart.
I really like the form, Sumana. I can feel the tension in each of them. A bit of hopefulness as well as some sadness. Vivid portrayals – both of them!
Glad you have jumped aboard. Nice naani ‘s
Very visual and I love that I could see that bright red sari and wow, that sunset, I saw it before looking at the photo! Such a lovely form of poetry.
As a pair they are perfect, contrasting the life and death. Very nice.
A beautiful piece
Loved the form and how well the words translated into the scene.
two stages of life beautifully painted in words Sumana
The beginning and end of their life together. Wonderfully done!
Beautifully poignant write, Sumana!
This is like a looking forward poem. I loved both stanzas. thank you.
The form works so well with the theme, saying so much in the few (but powerful) words that might leave the lips during such an emotional moment.
I loved both the simplicity and the imagery.
I like them both! Perhaps this is a micro comment?
I love micropoetry….there is so much said in so few words….I will note this form for future creative use…..lovely!
Really pretty. I like the form.
The form is very nice and the two poems give such a contrast in images.
I love this form. It has a delicacy that truly resonates with life – with the act of ‘being’. Lovely.
These are wonderful Sumana. They transport you quickly to those pictures you paint so well. Love them.
Beginnings and ending. Paints detailed juxtaposed scenes with few words.